Some Ethical (Akhlaq) Points on Interacting with your Child (Part 2)

10. Spoiling a child creates weakness, and a lack of will and determination. These types of children trouble their parents in their childhood, and make them encounter many problems.

The spoilt children themselves face two types of problems

a. They have expectations that the rest of society will, like their parents, comfort and respect them no matter what, and carry out their wishes without any questions. When they realise that people will not only not do this, but will also ridicule these expectations, they become upset and feel humiliated and debased.

b. Such experiences form the base of contempt and make them angry, aggressive, lacking patience and weak. They become the type of people who think low of others and treat them with harsh words and actions.

11. Nothing silences the sense of self-trust in a child more than forcing him to do things they may not have the capability of doing. This is especially the case when, if the child is unsuccessful, it is followed by belittling statements like: “Don’t bother trying, you can’t, you don’t have the capability.”‌

12. Pray for your children, both during pregnancy and afterwards.

13. Reminders and requests should be given with gentleness and softness so as not to create a barrier between parents and child. One day, Imam Hussein (A.S) called his children and his brother’s children together and said to them: “All of you are the children of today’s society and, it is hoped, the leaders of tomorrow’s society. So learn and make efforts in the acquisition of knowledge, and whoever does not have a good memory and cannot memorise the subjects taught by the teacher in teaching sessions, (should) write them down and keep them at home.”‌ Thus we see that the Imam created the love of acquiring knowledge in them without using techniques like scaring or forcing them, but by making them understand that knowledge is the path to honour and esteem.

15. A good role model is someone who adjusts their children’s desires wisely and with the correct techniques.

16. Foster the faith of your child. Children that have been raised from the beginning with faith in Allah have a strong will and powerful soul and from their early years are mature and courageous; this is easily observed by their actions and words. The readiness of the soul of a child to learn faith and Akhlaq is like fertile ground in which any type of seed can grow. Therefore, parents should teach their child love for Allah and the Ahl-ul-Bayt (A.S) and leaders of Islam from the earliest opportunities.

In traditions, parents who do not take the future life (aakhirat) of their children into consideration are reproached. It is narrated that the Prophet (PBUH)’s gaze fell on some children and he said: “Woe upon the children of the end of time (before the coming of the 12th Imam) because of the disliked methods of their fathers.”‌ It was asked of him: “Oh Prophet (PBUH) of Allah! Because of their polytheistic fathers?”‌ He replied, “No, because of their Muslim fathers who didn’t teach their children any religious duties. They were content with worthless material things for them. I am weary and exempt of such people…”‌

It is said that in communist Russia, they used to eliminate the existence of God from the ground roots level; for example, when a child was hungry or thirsty their parents would let them cry and say to them, “Ask God to provide for you.”‌ When the children would do this, and still remain hungry and thirsty, they used to say to them, “See, you cried to God he gave you nothing! Now ask Lenin (the Russian leader) to provide for you!”‌ When the children would do this, then only would they give them food and drink. The effect of this was that it was instilled in the children from childhood that God doesn’t exist through this very deluded manner. This same concept is condemned in Surat Yasin, Verse 47:

“The faithless say to the faithful, ‘Shall we feed (someone) whom Allah would have fed, had He wished? You are only in manifest error.’”‌

However, this is a wonderful lesson to us as to how Allah should be introduced to a child from young age. Whenever a child gets to that age that he understands that whenever they desire something they need to ask their parents, their parents should ask them first to ask from Allah. Then when they provide the desired object, they should stress that it reached them through the blessings of Allah. Thus, as they grow up, they will be able to see Allah as the underlying principal behind every action.

17. Stay away from wrist-grabbing and bossy behaviour with children.

Source: imamreza.net

Other links:

How to understand the World of Our Young Children

Some Islamic Directives for parents (Part 1)

Some Islamic Directives for parents (Part 2)

Methods of raising children