The Effect of Command and Prohibition Children
Being a ware of three important sections aspects of a person"s personality
Mind, parent, wisdom and child will be of great help for us; parents that
of great help for us, parents that are more familiar to these three aspects
of personality mind are more successful in training children and bringing
up logical, self- reliant and effective individuals. Parents who know the
parent section of Personality, will definitely pay more attention to their
behavior towards each other and will avoid quarrelling, bickering and
shocking behaviors when their children are present.
The information kept in parent section will be recorded directly and
without interference of the child"s Will, his vital need to parents and his
incapability in understanding and comprehending concepts in this period
make matters worse, since he cannot find the right way to change their
behavior. Likewise he cannot find any explanation for his parents"
behavior. Therefore when parents are belligerent and quarrelsome
towards each other, much fear and phobia will be recorded in the Parent
section of the child"s mind so the parent section of the child will be full of
the fear that his Parents hurt each other, the child is unable to recognize
that in such cases, for instance, the father is entangled in an acute
financial and economical problem or the mother, because of a dispute
with her partner, neighbor or one of the relatives has become very
nervous and quarrelsome. The child has not the ability for such analysis
and only sees and understands the risky situation of his parents" quarrel.
In the parent section of human personality pieces of advice, rules,
warnings, rejections, do"s and don"ts, and the like are kept. On the other
hand, kindness, gently touch, hugs, 1aughter, the sweet voice of mother"s
laughing and father"s smiling face are also recorded. It should not be
forgotten that this recording system is constantly on. Certainly all these
memories can be imprinted on child"s mind.
The recoding system is on unless the child, in order to Protect himself,
will instinctively turn it off in some cases and does not listen to what his
parents say and even does not look at them, this is the time he had
realized many contradictions, The father who says smoking is detrimental
to good health but he does not practice what he preaches, or the mother
constantly tells lies while reproaching others for doing so. Therefore the
child who does not have the right to ask about these contradictions will be
distressed; he, therefore, prefers to turn off the parent recording system
even for a while to rid himself of these dilemmas.
The fact that a person"s parent is unique to him indicates that each person
has felt this need in the early five years of his life and the recorded
information is the indicator of person"s early experienced with his parents
which is peculiar to him and hence unique.
In the next stage, there are warnings and false notices among which the
following which the following sentences are common practice, wastage is
a mortal sin, never trust anybody, a good child must be obedient and
submissive and such things. These issues are the mere truth regardless of
being good or bad, these orders should be obeyed since adults who are
the source of safety have issued them. At the same time, the child has
little or no choice, he is to obey and most of the time unwillingly. These
are set of permanent recordings that nobody can delete them, they always
exist and ready to be played on.
But a considerable amount of this parent section information is
manifested as ""how to"" for example, how to walk, how to walk, how to
sit, how to cut nails, how to make bed, how to entertain guests, etc. This
""how to"" factor contains a large amount of parent section in formation
that is acquired through observing parent"s behavior and it is usually
advantageous because they cause that skills the child needs in his daily
1ife be generated and learned. Considering fact that a great number of
such rules are recorded in the brain of every growing child and most of
these orders are limited in the forms of ""never"", ""ever"", ""always"", these
rules and orders often become the source of habits that change into
compulsory and natural behaviors, faults and abnormalities that manifest
themselves in interaction and communication between child and his
Society.
Besides parents, there are other sources for acquiring parent information
such as TV; the child who gazes at TV, not being controlled by parents, and Probably watches harsh scenes in an action film, conceives the world in this way and tells himself: yes!
This is the world and the life. What aggravates the situation is parent"s not
channel or occasionally accompany the child in watching the film;
therefore he would come to the conclusion that he should be harsh. What
makes matters worse is when the child is listening to subjects raised by
parents, relatives or programs on TV regardless of his age and therefore
quite inappropriate; all these will be recorded in the child"s parent section.
It is the case when the child find himself in situations or circumstances
where he is confused about what his parents are doing about which he is
not allowed to ask or talk openly; at this time he records and saves them
till the time he can recollect and delve into them.
If we are aware of the importance of parent recording and believe that the
main base is founded in the early five years of life, we will definitely
notice delicate points that we are bound to observe in our relationship
before the very eye of our child. When we take for granted that parent
recording systems are always on, then it is not wise to issue every order
when we do not observe them; if there is any difference of opinion
between you and your spouse, do not quarrel with each other in the
child"s Presence and do not forget that the child opens his eyes to this
world feeling insecure. He has come from the safe and suitable world of
the womb in which all his needs were satisfied and they are parents that
change this feeling of insecurity to that of safety and security. Many
specialists of behavioral sciences believe that the base of each person"s
personality is established in the early years of his life under the influence
of parents and environment. In all the pivotal role of parents in the
personality shaping of their children is undeniable.
By: Mahmud Hendipour
Translated by Ali Arabmofrad
