My Family - My Family [Electronic resources] نسخه متنی

My Family

I was born in the heart of my
mother and love surrounds me. I was born
in my family, in the heart of my life. I remember my childhood days. I was a
small child and, I used to play with my small brothers and sisters. I don't
know what life and what responsibility is except that I used to find everything
arranged for me. Life to me is but play and jovial.

Rather, how often I found
myself happy whenever my father gave me a piece of candy, which he used to
carry whenever he was coming back from work, or when my mother or grandmother
bought a new suit for me, or a ball so I could play with it.

How often I used to remember
those words of love and sympathy, and the good relationship that existed
between my grand-father and me.

All that I need in my life,
is provided for me. My father or mother provides it for me without the least
harm or grievance. Rather it is their pleasure to provide me with all my needs.

Indeed, I remember the love and concern shown to me by my father and
mother, and also to my little brothers and sisters.

I was brought up under the
care of my family guidance, then I grew up and, likewise, my brothers and
sisters.

This is my family: my
mother, father, grandfather, grandmother, and my junior and senior brothers and
sisters.

This is Allah's wisdom, that
He created man as a social being, who cooperates with others, as well as, develops a life full of
love and compassion, based on love, respecting others and cooperating with
them. And the parents have to live with their children in such a good and happy
oasis, the family environ-ment, the environment of love and comp-assion.

How often I sit down
thinking about my future.

Indeed, I have passed that infancy stage, and now I am about to start a
new stage: A stage of responsibility towards my Lord, Who blessed me with His
favor and grace. And likewise towards my self, family and society, or rather
toward the whole mankind.

Now, I am a man who has a
responsibility toward his family. My personality has reached a stage of
perfection and likewise my thoughts, but I am still in need of my parents'
advices. I am in need of their experiences, I am in need of others'
experiences, because life is a wide sea full of waves, thus, I must choose a
right and secured path.

My existence as a member in
my family, makes me have rights in this human and social unity, and also
imposes on me to have some obligations, because the nature of life in the
family's world is that it produces relations between its members. Relations
between mother and father, between parents and children, and between the
children themselves, are connected with each other through brotherhood,
ideology, houses, foods, discus-sions and a common family destination,etc.

The Family Environment

The
family's environment is the natural relationship, which exist in it. It is
comprised of love, respect, help, understanding, sacrifice, feeding, system,
guidance, time preservation and hard work. And or crimes, selfishness,
laziness, spending of time unnecessarily, chaos, and likewise, unnecessary
discussions and arguments.

It is
possible that all these situations, both the good and the bad ones, will be
found in a family. Indeed, every behaviour and moral has its own effect in a
family's formation and the nature of its members. As children often inherit
certain physical features from their parents, it is also possible for them to
inherit certain psychological features. As they acquire certain behaviours from
the family which become their habit, likewise, they can acquire good or bad
morals from their family.

Indeed,
the only way of cleaning the family from bad habits and other problems is to
give an active contribution toward creating good habits and blocking the way of
a bad ones. Because the existence of bad atmosphere in the family pollutes the
whole members of the family, and likewise it may turns happiness into misery
and misfortune.

The
family is an oasis, which we rest in after a hard work, and other problems
which may face our life.

The
existence of love and respect, which is experienced by one of us from his
family, made him to forget all difficulties of life, as well as, decrease the
effect of weariness and anxiety.

While the
complicated environments not only cause weariness, anxiety and disorder, but
also, take away man's comfort and his psycho-logical happiness, thereby
blocking his prog-ress in his work and studies, as well as, affecting his
health and the security of his thought.

How Can I Deal with My Father?

All of
what is in this world, atoms, stars, plants and natural beings, moves in
accordance with the law and system. For example, a human's life cannot possibly
move naturally and freely without the law and system. Thus, everything in our
society needs a system, and, likewise, foundations, companies and other
governmental institutions.

The
family is an important social institut-ion; it is in need of laws and systems
for arranging its life and the relationship between its members. This is what
Islamic Shari'a did through enacting laws and obligations. As we know, in any
organization or company, there must be a director who governs it.

The
nature of family life is that it makes the father a director to the family and
responsible for it. The Almighty Allah, gave the father an absolute
guardianship over his small children, and He made it obligatory on him to feed
and educate them, as He made it a responsibility to feed his wife and take care
of the family.

Thus, the
father's responsibilities are more heavier than other members of the family. It
is in view of this, that the Almighty Allah commands the children to respect
their parents, as much as, the parents guide them toward their good.

A father
feels the responsibility of direct-ing his children toward good, as well as,
taking care of them. He tries with all his might in order to attain their needs
and interests. He wants to see them successful in their lessons. He wants to
see them respected by others. He wants to see them working hard in their
working place. He wants to see them going away from acts that may spoil their
dignity in the face of the society.

A father
feels and wants his children to copy his personality and existence. He has
spent all his might, wealth and guidance in order to guide them, thus, he feels
very sad and unhappy whenever he sees his children unsuccessful in their life.
Or whenever they turn into bad people in the society, causing distress and
disrespect to their parents and family.

Whereby
he will feel happy and successful in his life, whenever he sees his children,
both boys and girls, succeed, and become something in the society. They bring
natural dignity to him because of their good habits in their studies, in their
relations with friends and mates, and in their good relations between
themselves.

Therefore,
we see him (the father) unhap-py whenever he sees them committing bad habits,
or when they create problems inside the house, or fail in their studies, or
interact with bad friends, and commit bad habits; like extravagancy, smoking,
and saying bad words, which affect others.

Bad habits
destroy man's personality, and give others the notion that this bad person
comes from a bad family, thereby, its negative effects will be reflected on the
parents.

This is
the father's feeling toward his children, which may be hidden from the
children, thereby causing problems, which often result in quarrels between the
children and their parents. Thus, children's understand-ing toward their
parent's feelings can solve many problems that arise in this case and will grow
from the sense of love and affection. It will make the children understand the
sadness of their parents toward their bad habits, which in turn, can make them
refrain from it, in respect to their parent's feelings.

The
growth of a successful family, is a moral, as well as, material growth, and
that happiness and success can be achieved morally before being achieved
materially.

There are
bases of sound relationships between children and their parent, which
guarantees happiness and Allah's pleasure for
both parties.

Indeed,
the need of the members of the family, children and parents, toward mutual love
and respect, is like the need of a plant toward sunshine. It is because of love
and respect that Islam came and built life based on it.

Man's
personality grows and attains perfection under the shadow of love and respect,
and likewise, man's personality dies through hatred and treason, and thus go
away man's values and his moral feelings.

It is in
view of this, that we see the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) explain that the reality of
Islam is love. He (s.a.w.) is reported to have said:

"There is
nothing in religion (Islam) except love."

It is in
this vein, that parents were instructed to love and guide their children, and
the children were also instructed to love and respect their parents.

Outlining
the value of a human being, and his right in respecting his personality, the
Holy Qur'an states:

"And surely
We have honored the children of Adam, and We carry them in the land and the
sea, and We provide them with good things, and We have made them to excel highly
most of those whom We have created."
Holy Qur'an (17: 70)

"Say not
Fie' to them, not chide them."

Holy Qur'an (17: 23)

"And say: My Lord, have mercy on them, as they brought
me up (when I was) little."

Holy Qur'an (17: 24)

"And keep
kindly company with them in this world." Holy Qur'an (31: 15)

Another
hadith, regards children's love toward their parents as an act of worship (ibadah).
In this regard, the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) says: "An affectionate look by a son towards his parent
is servitude to Allah.)

He
(s.a.w.) is also reported to have said: "The Almighty Allah will have mercy on the man who passionately loves his child"1
[1]

Children
will be able to deal with their parents in a good and sound manner if they
understand their value with regard to their education and growth, and,
likewise, their love and sincerity.

The Holy
Qur'an, explaining this reality, says:

"Give thanks
to Me and to your parents. To Me is the eventual coming." Holy Qur'an (31: 14)

"Is the
reward of goodness aught but goname="_ftnref2">[2]odness." Holy Qur'an (55: 60)

When
children's feelings stir and respond based on this principle the reward of good
with good, children will feel that their parents deserve respect from them,
even on the matter that offends them when they are guided them toward their
goodness. The purpose of all these is nothing, but parental care and love, and
what is meant is not that they do not respect the personality of their children
or that they want to take away their freedom, rather the father fulfills his
obligation towards his children with pleasure.

Thus, the
children are also indebted to fulfil their obligation toward their parents.

The
relationship between children and their parents can be based on love and
respect, as it can also be based on material foundations. Because the children
depend on their parents in their material life, until they complete their
studiesetc. During this period, children feel a sense of psychological, as
well as, material relationship with their parents.

Many
times tension and strain may occur between children and their parents due to
material problename="_ftnref3">[3]ms. It is either due to the stinginess of the
parent or due to extravagancy and lack of consideration of the children or the
continuation of children's dependence on their parents materially, even if they
have the power to work.

The
solution to such problems depends on both sides. The child will be responsible
to know his parents' material situation, and likewise, the parents are
responsible for dealing with their children with kindness. They should not hurt
them with bad words.

A child's
freedom is his natural right on his parent, because he is growing, reaching a
stage of puberty and thereby being responsible[4] for his actions. When reaching this stage he
is free from his parents, but with all these he is still in need of their
guidance and advice till his experience and knowledge reaches a stage of
perfection. As he is also in need of his parents' support, materially, till he
is no more in need of such assistance.

Indeed,
good uses of wealth by the child-ren indicates the maturity of their
personality, as well as, sound feelings and respect for their parent's hard
work.

It is not
the father's obligation and responsibility to feed his children after they
attain maturity, but the love, kindness and goodness of the parent toward his
children will not allow him to leave them alone.

Therefore,
dealing with the parent is a ritual, moral and sentimental essence and an
obligatory relationship, which will be asked of by the Almighty Allah,
conscience, and the society.

Children
have rights over their parents, as the parents also have rights over their
children. And the parents' right increases when they become old or they can no
more work or take on their responsibilities themselves. In such a case the
importance of virtue and goodness to the parents increases.

A calm
voice, words of respect, smiling while talking to the parents, will earn
respect from your parents, as well as, Allah's pleasure. It is not virtue and
goodness for a person to raise his voice against his parents.

"Say not
Fie' to them, not chide them."

Holy Qur'an (17: 23)

"And speak
to them a generous word."

Holy Qur'an (17:23)

We should
know that, no matter how much love and respect is shown to the parents by their
children, the heart of the parents is wider in terms of love than that of the
children.

Solutions to the Family's Problems

As the
family is a depot of love and assistance, likewise, it is a foundation of education
and teachings. Indeed, the sense of understanding between children and their
parents is an obligatory phenomenon of their relationships and solving the
problems that arise between them or for studying and discussing the opinions
made by the children.

Because a
child has his own thoughts and opinions based on his studies, knowledge,
travelling, or his relations with friends and relatives, etc, he has feelings
and thoughts, thus, it is his right upon his parents and brothers to open their
minds and listen to his opinions.

It is the
right of a child to present these to his parents, or some of his brothers, so
as to listen to his views in order to find a solution to his problems or the
family's problems. Or maybe he will present this problem to one of the parent
or his brothers, in order to find a way out.

It is for
the goodness of the family that its members should discuss the problems faced
by its members, especially the children. This attitude will not only strengthen
the children's personality but also uphold their moral feelings, because it
will serve as a respect for their views and problems, as well as, their future.

As the
parents stress the need for their children to respect them, they also open the
way for guidance and considering them in their views, or helping them with
money in order to produce a beneficial project or help them solve their
problems.

Discussion
and debate has its own morals, and respecting it shows the soundness of that
particular personality. While respecting such morals, all the parties concerned
will be able to understand each other so as to reach an acceptable result.

It is
hardly to achieve understanding, when one of the parties concerned in a debate
presents his view and insists on it, even if it is wrong, or he shows his sadness
in the debate.

Understanding
needs a thorough explana-tion and listening to others views, as well as,
accepting it when it is right or renouncing one's view in order to achieve a
required result. Whenever a sound situation is achieved, the problem is solved.

Relationship through Brotherhood

The
relationship of brotherhood between children is based on the basis of
relativity, ideology and living under the umbrella of one parent and compound.
It is in view of this that it becomes more powerful. And these show the
understanding of the meaning of brotherhood on the side of the children.

Children
in a family live in different age and groups (male and female), as well as,
different cultural and ideological situations; in different psychological and
physical beings.

Living in
a family obliges them to live as one single being. And this can be achieved
through love and sacrifice, greetings, gifts, mutual respect, assistance,
eating food at one table, understanding each other through discussions,
forgiveness when offended, as well as, working hard to solve any problems which
arise.

The first
step in achieving love and intimacy in day to day relations is greetings,
because greetings are the key to the heart. They express love, respect and good
relationship. They expel the ambiguity and hatred in the heart.

Surely,
spreading greetings between mem-bers of the family creates love and respect
among them. Due to the importance of greet-ings in human's relations, we see
that the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) encourages towards spreading greetings, because
it is a way toward the heart (love) and a word which implants love in one's
self.

The Holy
Prophet (s.a.w.) says: "You will
not enter Paradise unless you love each other, and you will not love
each other unless you believe. Can I show you something which if you did it;
you will love each other? Spread greetings between yourselves".

In
another Hadith, he (s.a.w.) teaches us the morals of greetings, in his
saying: "The best of you is the one
who starts the greeting to his fellow companion".

A banquet
of food where all the children and brothers surround it, expresses a true
participation in life and has its own effect in their life. Because they are
eating while at the same time discussing in a brotherly way, this will make
them happy and comfortable.

It is not
only associating in eating, rather it is associating in feelings and thoughts.

The
mutual assistance between brothers in a family is a major factor which brings
harm-ony and cooperation in the family; and distributes Allah's blessing among
them all.

It is
possible that a brother will be above his fellow brother or sister in term of
knowledge, thus, it is the right of that brother to assist his other brothers
and sisters in teaching them what he knows, like drawing, tailoring, or how to
use the computer and, etc. Or he should guide them on how to solve their
problems and overcome their difficulties.

This will
help the brother draw a line of action for his life, so as to help himself and
the other members of the family.

It is
also possible that one of the brothers will be blessed with a work and a
suitable position, while his brother or sister is in need of financial
assistance. Thus, it is the right of brotherhood, and it is part of the good
behaviour, which Allah loves, that he should help his brothers and sisters, so
as to reduce the responsibilities of the parents towards them. With these, his
fellow brothers will feel the feelings of love and respect toward him, and at
the same time, they will be thinking on how to do good to him.

Family
life is a life of love, assistance and sacrifice, and these can be achieved
through good words and feelings, wealth and assist-ance.

Among the
means of solving of the problems, is going away from stimulating others or
disturbing them especially if they are in tension due to some problems they are
facing.

It is
likely that some members of the family may be nervous and can be stimulated
easily; this can cause problems in the family. It is possible that this kind of
person may utter harmful words against his fellow brothers, and when his
brother replies him the whole will be on fire and, thus, the problems grow.

When this
kind of situation occurs, it is better to consider his situation, thereby, this
kind of situation should be treated with calmness and simplicity. Then after an
hour or a day, we should confront him with the matter and discuss it with him,
or we can come through the parents or one of his friends.

Forgiveness,
as well as, controlling one self at the time of sadness, is a moral stand which
discovers the power of the person's concerned personality, and the purity of
his heart from jealousy and hatred. The Holy Qur'an has praised restrainers of
anger and forgivers of others. The Almighty Allah says:

"Those who
spend in ease as well as in adversity and those who restrain (their) anger and
pardon men. And Allah loves the doers of
good (to others)." Holy Qur'an ( (3: 134)

Exchanging
presents and gifts among the members of a family increases love and relations.
Because presenting gifts shows your feelings toward others, as it portrays
concern and respect. The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) says: "Exchanging gifts
increases love".

Thus, the
book, album or watch, etc which you present to your sister or brother,
stimulates his feelings towards you.

Man was
created and endowed with the faculty of speaking, and through utterance he expresses his feelings. Family discussions
have their great psychological effect. There-fore, when members of a family sit
down to discuss a matter related to them, or something to do with culture and
knowledge, or political analysis, or news on a discovery of scientifica-lly
related matter, or something to do with their relatives and neighbours, all
these increase their culture and understanding and may help them in dealing
with other social matters, as well as, taking them away from tension and
anxiety. This kind of discussion also helps in uniting their culture, opinions
and understanding.

Try to
introduce a topic of discussion while sitting with the members of your family,
or try to ask questions concerning a particular matter of those you are sitting
with; your father or mother, so as to pave the way for family discussions.

Indeed,
discussion has its own morals and laws; you should not cut into someone's
conversation until he finishes. Do not hoard news between yourself, and be sure
of the authenticity of the news before you relate it to others. This shows your
respect to your self, your words and
your personality.

Organization
in the Family

The
family is among the important social institutions, and life in it requires an
organizat-ion and a system so as to organize its work and the relations among
its members. It is an institution with different activities, education-al,
economical, cultural, social, administrative and etc

Organization
in a given family has its own great effects in
systematizing the life of the members of a family. It represents the will of
life in it and it has its own effect in the behaviours of its members, both
positively and negatively, supervision and guidance, and this is the mission of
the parents.

Whenever there is good administration and sound supervision in the
family, for instance, good spending, education and guidance of the children,
good use of time, solving the problems and others, it is easy to form a nice
organization for the family. And the effect of these can be reflected on the
life and behaviours of each and every member of the family.

Organizing a good budgetary system for the family will surely
organize the spendings of the family in accordance with their incomes, without
extravagancy or constriction. The budgetary system is a major factor in a
family, which requires the cooperation of all members of the family. The budget
should be arranged in accordance with the family's needs, for food, cloths,
studies, precautionary items and etc.

But it should be noted that, constraining the members of the
family and preventing them from using the necessary items, in the presence
of enough money, is a great mistake. It
is an infringement of their rights. As extra-vagancy and an unnecessary
spending harms the family, it may reach a state of prohibition (haram).

Indeed, we will regret and know the value of our money when we
lack it and at the same time we are in need of it. This may force us to look
for credit or going for begging, which may force us into shame and putting
others above us. Many a time we may be unable to gain the money we need. This
will put us into the state of regret and tension.

The Holy Qur'an has arranged economic principles for us which may
guarantee our safety. It says:

"And
make not your hand to be shackled to your neck, nor stretch it forth to the
utmost (limit) of its stretching forth, lest you sit down blamed, stripped
off." Holy Qur'an (17: 29)

It is possible that one of us may not know the value and
importance of money at this stage, but no doubt we will understand our mistakes
after we have lost it. Some parents tie their hands from giving their families
the essential money for their general needs, indeed this is a bad conduct
toward their children, as well as, infringing on their rights. In this case, it
is the duty of the children to explain the matter to their parents in good
manners. Whenever it becomes difficult for the children to get money from their
parent in order to solve their problems, it makes it incumbent upon them to
look for a job to do so as to cover the gap.

Looking
for a job is a sound stand which shows the self confidence of the person
concerned, as well as, his power of directing his own affairs. Whatever the
case may be, it is not right to make poverty a cause of conflict between
parents and their children.

One of
the basic issues in family system is the issue of time control, because most
families don't give much importance to the use of time.

Thus, we
see laziness and dullness in some of its members. For example they will
continue to sleep till midday, or wasting their time in unnecessary
discussions or watching television. These will affect children's studies, or
their spirit of hard working, and is not a good manner, which must be wiped
out.

A
successful system in a family mainly
depends on time organization. Like
sleeping early and waking up early, utilizing the time in studies, handwork and
other useful work, such as: Drawing, knitting, embroidery, or training how to
use certain scientific equipments, and others.

Habituating
oneself to working hard and seriousness, will no doubt teach the children to
such good habits and they will be able to access that good feature.

Family's Relationship with Others

Family in
its social form is part of a society, and a society in its nature consists of
families and individuals. Thus, social relations represent a main issue in
family's life. Therefore, a family should have relations with the rest of the
family, especially between relatives and neighbours.

A
successful and sound family in its social habits, is a family, which has a
sound relation with other families. Paternal uncle and maternal uncle, paternal
aunt and maternal aunt, a married sister and brother etcare families.
Therefore, it is incumbent on our families to have nice relations and sincere
ties with such families.

Mutual
visit and participating in ceremonies, like, Eid festival, Ramadhan nights,
marriage or at the time of sorrow, like taking place of problems, calamities
and sickness, is a moral obligation. This stand shows the sound nature of the
family and Allah the Most High loves such an act and He rewards its doers.

Bonds of
relationships i.e. visiting relatives is an important act encouraged by the
Holy Qur'an, and therefore, Islamic Shari'a considers the act of
abandoning it as a great sin.

Visiting
relations prevents man from falling into calamity, and increases one's wealth
and sustenance, too. It, also,
causes love and cooperation. And it will
make the other side to reply in a positive manner, as well as, being with the
family at the time of problems and adversity.

This is a social life, which is based on love
and assistance, sympathy, true participation at the time of sorrow and
happiness.

A family
which isolates itself from others is an unsuccessful family socially, whether
this isolation is due to financial and social arrogance or feeling superior to
others or because of introverted and unsocial nature and isolationism.

All these
bad features harm the reputation of the family, as well as, and brings up
unsuccessful and unfruitful individuals to a society. Such kind of people even
lose others' respect and assistance. There is no human
being that is free from others

Therefore,
when a certain problem occurs between families, like the family of a brother or
sister or uncles or aunts, it is not right to face the matter hatred and bad
words. Rather, it must be treated with good understanding, reconciliation, or
through some friends and relatives accepted by both parties.

And
indeed, among other solutions to this kind of problem is paying visit,
forgiveness, forgetting the causes of the problem, calling for a dinner, or
family's journey, or exchanging greetings and greeting cards or telephone calls
in case of being far away from others. We should know that social life is love,
acquaintance, and cooperation. The Holy Qur'an portraying that, says:

"O mankind,
surely We have created you from a male and a female, and made you tribes and
families that you may know each other. Surely the noblest of you with Allah is
the most dutiful of you. Surely Allah is Knowing, Aware."

Holy Qur'an
(49:13)

"And help one another in righteousness and piety, and
help not one another in sin and aggression." Holy Qur'an (5:2)

"And the
relatives are nearer one to another in the ordinance of Allah." Holy Qur'an (8:75)

The Holy
Prophet (s.a.w.) also explains that the message of religion (Islam) is a
sound, true and pure love. He said: "There is nothing in religion (Islam) except love.."
"and the best among people is the one who is kind to his own family", and it is also reported from him (s.a.w.) saying: "The best of you is he who is kind to his family, and I
am the best of you in kindness to my family".

Thus, we
understand that it is the family, which creates the personality of its members,
and that its members represent its personality. There is no harmony for a
person who lives in a bad family, and that a nice family creates a nice
personality.

Compilation
Committee

Al-Balagh Foundation

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